I already got this:
In 14 days I will have this:
This morning I was ready to get it done NOW. I want to be on the other side of this and start getting better–the rehab uphill climb I know all too well. But as of this moment I am going to just say it—I’M PETRIFIED. I know I’ll be fine. I’ve had too many surgeons and hip replacement recipients tell me that it’s so much easier than what I went through with my knee. But you know what? THAT DOESN’T MEAN A DAMN THING AT THIS POINT IN TIME! The thought of going under the knife yet again has got me wound up tighter than piano string on the verge of snapping. And frankly I’m not all that sure why.
I don’t mean to bitch and moan about it–I truly don’t. I’m surrounded by wonderful friends who have everything figured out with regard to getting home, caring for me until I’m ready to be on my own again, and carting me around until I’m permitted to drive. I couldn’t have a better surgeon nor could I have a better support network. But this evening…for whatever reason…”the shit got real.”
I’ve mentioned a few times to close friends that I honestly do not remember a time when I wasn’t in some sort of pain. I think it was around 2000 but hard to tell–I had been lifting mom’s wheelchair in and out of the trunk of my car for over 10 years at that point so my back, hips and knees were already giving me fits. But somewhere during 2007 was when I realized I was always in some sort of pain. And I’m so damn tired of it.
So I guess I’m pulling a #4…something that goes against the very fiber of my soul. Sure, I’ve been living #2 (Accepting it) for the last however many years, and in 14 days I’ll jump up a notch to #1 (Changing it). #3 is of course, not an option (Quit). So forgive me for dumping in a public forum…I just want December 3rd to get here already so I can wake up in the Recovery Room and say, “Ok, let’s start getting better–NOW!”