To the 2021 University of Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hen Marching Band,
There may be a few of you left who know me, but for those that don’t, my name is Derek Dillman. I was a trumpet player in the band for all four years of my college experience from 2014-2018 and I miss it every day. I slept, ate, and breathed band both as a music education major and a die-hard marching band kid, and still sleep, eat, and breathe it now as a high school band director.
Though I have no doubt all of you have been so happy and excited to get back to doing this absolutely insane activity that we love so much, I can imagine there is a part in a lot of you that still feels the poison and weight left upon all of us in the wake of the past year and a half. It can be hard having such intense conflicting feelings exist inside of you simultaneously; excitement for performance, but the intense anxiety of whatever awaits you when the magic of game day ends, happiness to be around people who fill you with laughter and joy, but feelings of fear and dread regarding the world around you. For some of you, it may have even left you discouraged and left feeling guilty – how could you still be feeling anything but happy for this thing you have been so excited to do (whether that is college as a whole, marching band, or otherwise)?
Your feelings are valid and most importantly, you are not wrong for feeling them. I mean, just think about your personal situation. Some of you are freshmen in college, thrust out of your high school experience with an acceptance letter and a diploma in the wake of COVID with nothing more than a “well, good luck”! Some of you may have had to leave home for the first time or perhaps separated from a partner, while others of you have been trying to figure out who youauthentically are in the midst of most socially isolating moment in history. Some of you continue to trudge a path forward in your life as you fight for justice, equality, and the rights of your fellow humans, while others of you may have been forced to live with or face your demons or worst fears head-on because of quarantining. The fact that you are here speaks to your strength. Though I may not know you personally, I couldn’t mean it any more sincerely.
When your blue-shirts finally came in from being backordered, that was most likely your first real experience with seeing this band as a family. This band is more than just a band- I cannot stress that enough. Underneath the rehearsals, grinding, and amazing music making is a group of 250+ people, some scarily similar and some vastly different, that genuinely care for one another. Where else can you go in the world, let alone campus, that you can be put on a football field with that many people and say that every other person out there cares about YOU as an individual- your hopes, your dreams, your mental health, heck, even your NAME. You are not a dot number, you and not another section member- you are YOU when you are in the Fightin’ Blue Hen Marching Band.
As someone who prefers to try and handle my problems myself since I have had so many experiences being hurt by people (and because I fear inconveniencing everyone,) this band became the vehicle that taught me so much. When I was being emotionally abused, this band got me through it. When I came in every single day and compared myself as a student and a musician to everyone around me, this band taught me how to take stock in myself. When I felt I had nothing to offer, this band taught me that I had plenty to offer, and I made some lifelong friends. Maybe you feel similar feelings. Maybe you are feeling lost, or scared, or homesick. Whatever it is that you are feeling, take a breath.
College is scary enough on its own, but when you throw in social unrest and a pandemic on top of that, the sheer fact that you have made it this far is worth celebrating!!! A lot of people in your life will try and tell you to just get over it, or to just push through. People who don’t understand will try to “compare tragedies”, explaining why they had it so much harder when they were going through college. Remember this: you are dealing with more than anyone else has had to deal with in any generation before you. You are fighting for others, standing up for what’s right, navigating a pandemic, andtrying to forge your own path into the future that you want. I don’t know how anyone can see that as anything short of incredible.
In these moments, remember to breathe. As my assistant band director tells me in my low times, you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t meant to be here. You are doing your best and that is enough. Some days, that best looks like just getting out of bed, other days it is cleaning your whole apartment and getting ahead in schoolwork. Whatever your best is, continue to give it. Know that the strength you possess is endless and it is okay to have hard days. And remember that in addition to 250+ people on that field supporting you, you have literally thousands who came before you who are supporting you and cheering for you every step of the way, myself included. If you want someone to talk to, ask Sarv for my contact info- she has it and I am more than happy for you to have it. We are all family- we are all blue hens.
I am looking forward to coming up in November and seeing the senior game- I hope I get to meet and talk to a lot of you that day! Keep breathing and keep doing your best. You’ve GOT this!!!
SARV BLOG 